But John is sliding into his hell. He is becoming increasingly violent toward the staff. Not every day. So we hadn't really thought too much of it.
But lately, it's come on more frequently. And sometimes in a way that makes me laugh. And that's the hard part, because my John was such a private person. I might want to laugh at what he's been up to, but that's not something John would have wished to have been made public.
I remember his first and ONLY trip to Sioux City for my uncle's 60'th birthday. Being Harbeck's, we OF COURSE started to talk about farts. Sorry - it's a Harbeck thing. John was so upset. He NEVER EVER had talked publicly about such a thing. He soon became inured to it. But the point is, he was such a private person. He was a true introvert. He processed all things internally. What I learned from this was so amazing. I always thought shy people were just shy and maybe even too timid to share their thoughts. What I learned from John was that an introvert has just as powerful of thoughts as an extravert, but is more selective as to whom those thoughts are shared. That's more powerful than an extravert like me who shares pretty much whatever I'm thinking all of the time.
So. While I won't share on the world wide web all of the details of his almost denouement, I will tell you it's not John. My John wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone me. He came close to crushing my hand today. It's ok. He wanted to bite my arm while he had my hand in a death grip. I'll check my tetanus shots and put ice on my knuckles.
And this is only today's episode.
I don't believe that God is doing this to John or to me to teach either of us a lesson. I believe God is weeping along with us and is readying a place for him. Any other God is not a God I want to believe in. Nobody is that cruel to allow this debasement to occur.
So please. If you pray, if you believe, pray that God takes John home very soon.
